Our ego thinks it’s the only one having the thoughts it does. Such as “I should make more money”. But there are new thoughts.
- Why your brain has the same thoughts as everyone else.
- How much attention can you put on the other person?
- Why emotion is critical to connection.
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– TRANSCRIPT –
[00:00:00] David Wood: I wanna double click on something you just said, you said, if it’s true for me, it’s probably true for a hundred other people. And the thing is the ego thinks, you know, oh, it’s all mine. You know, I’m the only one feeling lonely. I’m the only one feeling too old and too fat and too short. I’m the only one feeling bad about not having a partner.
[00:00:23] David Wood: I’m the only one thinking I should make more money. Like the ego kind of things. This is my stuff. I was just in. Group of people a couple of days ago. And I shared that I was feeling nervous and everyone else was sharing. Oh, I feel love. And my heart feels open. I feel connected and I feel gratitude. I feel play.
[00:00:43] David Wood: And I’m like, I’m feeling really nervous. And then I was like, God, I shouldn’t have said that. But later on in the group, someone else said I’ve been feeling really activated is kind of overwhelming all of this energy here. And I was like, oh, thank God. You know, so maybe what I said gave her permission to share it.
[00:01:03] David Wood: And something Byron Katie said was, all of our thoughts are recycled for the past 10,000 years. There are no new thoughts. It’s all the same. It’s all in a Shakespearian play somewhere. It’s all been. I’m inspired by hearing you say that. And I just wrote a note. I, I want to make sure that we cover that when we write the full book, because you might be like, oh, you know, I’m so nervous to share this with someone else.
[00:01:33] David Wood: They probably thought this at some point, or if not them, you know, as you say, a hundred or a thousand or 10,000 other people. So I want to answer your question, but I just want to pause and see if there’s something else you wanted to say. No,
[00:01:47] Joan Sotkin: that’s fine. Cause that’s that’s my theory is that we feel so alone and yet we want to feel connected.
[00:01:56] Joan Sotkin: And one of the ways that humans connect is through emotions. And when you can tell the truth about what you’re experiencing internally, that allows for an immediate connection to someone. Yeah, so we’re so afraid. To touch people emotionally, yet, I find that that’s what people are craving to do. And I work a lot with men and I’ve learned not to say, what are you feeling?
[00:02:25] Joan Sotkin: But I’ll, I’ll say what you’re saying makes me feel sad. Are you feeling that? So that, that gives them permission to say yeah. And I, and people don’t realize that their feelings are in their box. They think it’s in their head, but you get the feeling. And once you learn how to recognize the feeling in your body, then you’re in touch with your own
[00:02:52] David Wood: feelings.
[00:02:53] David Wood: Yes. And I want to double click on something. You said a little earlier where you said people focus on what they’re presenting. Like they’re presenting themselves and they’re not focusing on the other person. And I have a confession. I noticed that. While we here on the video and you and I talked about eye contact and where we’re looking on a zoom call.
[00:03:14] David Wood: I noticed my habit is when I’m speaking, I’m looking at my picture of myself to see how I’m coming across. Right. So now inspired by what you said, and I’m practicing, looking at your image so I can see what’s going on in your face. I can see if what I’m saying is landing or whatever. Uh, which is so related to the acting that I’m studying right now, because Alan Alda from mash said that he finds his reaction in the other person’s eyes.
[00:03:45] Joan Sotkin: Ah
[00:03:46] David Wood: that’s. That’s where he finds these performance. So I’m getting so interested in this concept of how much attention can I put out there. On you and see what’s happening out there instead of this constant, how am I coming across? How am I looking? What am I saying? Blah, blah, blah, blah.
